Santikos Cine-opsis

“If it bleeds, we can kill it.” — “Dutch” (Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Predator,” 1987)

When I walked out of the theater after seeing “Predators” this weekend, my first thought was that after numerous sequels and spin-offs, the “Predator” franchise had finally been exsanguinated of its green blood and put to rest.  But something tells me we haven’t seen the last of those dredlocked, laser-pointy killing machines - and by something, I mean profit.

After the gruesome box office bloodletting that was “AVP: Requiem,” the “Predator” series appeared to have reached the “Freddy vs. Jason” level of franchise hell.  But even at it’s lowest point, the franchise still made money ($150m+ worldwide gross on a $40m budget).  Still, it was clear that another starless crossover would be ill-advised.  Enter Robert Rodriguez (in a producer role), complete with viral internet promises to take the franchise back to its roots, and voila!  The fan base was energized enough to put “Predators” into the top 3 on opening weekend with a $24m opening salvo (not bad, considering Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antel made the film for the same $40m budget as the aforementioned AVP sequel).  While that’s not exactly “Twilight”-level success, it certainly pulls the franchise out of the (de)basement.

But even though the changes at the helm and return to form seem to have breathed new life into the “Predator” series on a financial level, it couldn’t keep “Predators” from being somewhat of a disappointment as a movie…mainly because of deficiencies in the writing.  Now I’m no prude, but if you’re gonna drop 50+ f-bombs on an audience, you should at least try and put them in moments where the level of intensity requires it, and not just randomly insert them into lines of dialogue to make the characters appear more “salty.”  I’ve said this before, but there’s an art to writing swear-laden dialogue, and if you don’t get it right, your characters feel like 14-year-olds screaming out curse words when their parents aren’t there to listen.

The dialogical deficiencies aren’t the only disappointment.  Like many Robert Rodriguez films, “Predators” suffers from some really bizarre casting choices, starting with the lead.  You’re going for the toughest, killingest, badass-iest group of international mercs you can find, and your alpha-male is…Adrian Brody?!?  WTF?!!!?!?  And it doesn’t stop there!  Either the bugs on the alien homeworld are really high in saturated fat, or Lawrence Fishburne has let himself go.  Either way, bad casting choice for your “I’ve survived on this world for 10 seasons and have created an invisible friend” character (and another bad writing choice as well).

What really stinks is that the casting misfires overshadow some really interesting casting choices.  Alice Braga does what she can with her tough-girl sniper with a conscience role, Walton Goggins and Topher Grace are actually pretty good in their scenes together (despite, yet again, some really crappy lines), and I love mad Russian Oleg Taktarov, who has by far one of the most cheer-inducing moments in the film.  But when I was walking out of the theater, all I could think of was Adrien Brody trying to make his voice sound all gravely and mean, and how it was like a maskless version of Christian Bale’s Batman.

But with some interesting plot twists and turns, and plenty of green blood to go around, “Predators” ultimately satisfied on an action level…which was really all it needed to do to please the fan base.  It was just a little disappointing that more thought wasn’t put into fleshing out the rest of the film.  But in the end, the film will likely turn a profit by week 3, meaning that we probably haven’t seen the last of the “Predators,” or their homeworld.

I just hope that next time, they pick better prey.  3 out of 5 popcorn buckets.

David Slade that is, you may have heard about a little movie of his that came out recently- ECLIPSE!!! Ring a bell, anyone? Can you say- BLOCKBUSTER ….:)

Okay, so you get the point here? Yes, I am a TWI-Lover- in the sense that I am so psyched to see these books come to life on screen. So whats the verdict? Was it TWI-mazing for you too? I’ve been thinking about what to say about this movie without re-writing the screenplay,( we will leave that to Melissa Rosenberg, shout out, you rock!) Here’s what I’ve come up with- PLEASE feel free to share your thoughts too, the theaters have been packed for days so I know there are Team Edward/Team Jake fans waiting to type with a purpose…

1. Bigger budget= better everything! Not only was the entire cast smoking hott- the vamp make-up as well as the sparkle-effect was very much improved.( Less Geisha more authentic. )

2. Special effects rocked- the CGI wolves look so real, you just wanted to reach up and ruffle Jakes fur…or 8-pack, which ever you prefer. While I’m talking about muscles, can we give it to our cast for stepping it up at the gym? Seriously, I would not have messed with Rosalie.

3. The perfect balance is achieved! There really is something for the guys- the battle in the clearing was sweeeeeet.

4. True to the book. I could literally quote what would happen next- dialogue wise, (sorry Chloe!).

5. A few adjustments to the storyline don’t necessarily ruin the experience, I liked the addition of the Newborn’s mini-backstory.

6. Character development, is natural in a book but seemed harder to achieve on-screen in the other movies, in Eclipse though you really see Bella come into her own.

7. HOLY Rathbone! Southern accent = hot. That’s all I have to say about that!

8. Renee, we got to see a little more of her in this one- as we all know, even if it is just to say goodbye (tear).

9. The wolves were ripped as ever, but I was happier that their acting improved and the sense of “family” seemed more natural this time around. and LEAH- one word, FIERCE!!!

10. The RING, the LEG HITCH and the PROPOSAL- I was not disappointed by any of it and YES it’s in there!

If you haven’t read the books then you probably have no idea what I’m talking about, so run to the bookstore and try to keep up!

I’ll say it again- TWI-MAZING 5 out of 5!

-Amanda

Last night was my second date this week, with Sir Jackson Rathbone in The Last Airbender (I’ll get to Eclipse momentarily…) aside from seeing Jack play a role different from the smoldering vamp- it really wasn’t my cup of tea. IF you have followed the Avatar: The Last Airbender, the series on Nick, you were probably feeling a touch of whiplash as M.Night Shyamalan  soared through Aang’s (the main character) backstory. This movie seemed like a long time in the making and while the fight/element bending scenes were pretty awesome, there was some B-list acting by some, a touch of comic relief here and there however, I just wasn’t really… moved… by the storyline, it was forgettable. As a whole, the movie is fairly kid friendly like the series. 2.5 out of 5.

-A

It has been since 1999 the last time Woody and Buzz were at it. Andy has been doing a lot of growing up and is ready for college but enough about the synopsis you can read that anywhere. Flash forward to 2010, Woody and Buzz embark on a new adventure where any toy would NOT want to be…Daycare, specifically the caterpillar room. New villains arise now that have a totalitarianism rule on the Daycare with Lots-O’-Huggin, (with no Luv’in.) making a fun place seem like Somalia. It doesn’t matter how old you are, your never to old for Woody and Buzz, I grew up with this film (1995) and I couldn’t wait for this film. Pixar does it again, and does not disappoint with the 3^rd installment. The best part of the film for me? Spanish Buzz. Who knew Tim Allen knew Spanish? That should have your attention, cause this is the funniest Toy Story film in the series. With new characters that Im sure you’ll love (Ken, Big Baby, Dolly …etc) which will have you laughing through out the movie. Heres to hoping Pixar makes a Toy Story 4. If you grew up watching it, you will love it. If you have kids they will love it. It is a win-win situation. 5 out 5 bags of popcorn.

Finally, something to brag about, it has been since IRON MAN 2 that I have been pessimistic about anything coming out on the big screen. But Karate Kid has turned my frown around. Not only do we have a star in the making with Jaden Smith, he is actually pretty good actor to my surprise. The movie was quite funny, with jokes for both kids and adults. Not to mention some cyborgs, well they weren’t really cyborgs but those mean kids were something else with their Ninja skills. It has good values, and a few teary eye moments for the viewer and tons of laughs. Had my son going HEEE- YAH! through out the entire movie. Seriously, the best film out since IRON MAN 2, which is great for movie lovers since I thought it was going to be a boring summer season. Family friendly movie for everyone to enjoy. 4 out 5 popcorn bags.

starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl

Killers is a comedy about hit men (Ashton Kutcher) who fall in love.  It has all the ingredients of a funny movie,(good actors specifically Heigl outrageous situations and funny one liners) and it actually is quite hilarious. Yet, the only thing that stopped making this movie pretty good is the ending. Now, don’t worry im not going to be a spoiler here, but seriously that was the best they could come up with?  Now every time 007 fell in love, we knew the love interest is going to die. Even Austin Powers relationships had issues with his relationships. But this was a little overboard now.  Director Robert Luketic didn’t stray to far from his other hits (The Ugly Truth, Monster-In-Law, Legally Blonde) so if you liked the previously mentioned films you will be very happy but I have a feeling this will be in dvd before Halloween.

“Let’s talk about SEX…”

Sex and the City 2, that is. Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha are at it again and, as always, nothing short of FABULOUS. We’ve fast forwarded 2 years from the where we last saw our favorite friends:

Charlotte, Harry and Lily are adjusting to life with their recent addition- Baby Rose.

Miranda and Steve are soaking up the familial bliss after having had a second chance at love.

Samantha is- well the same as ever! Can you blame the woman?

And our sweet Carrie is living her happily ever after with Big, kind of. “Somewhere between wild sex and having babies.” Carrie fears (only two years in) that her life is losing its “sparkle”. The girls are off on a DECADENT trip to Abu Dahbi, all expenses paid…and then some (thank you Samantha) sans spouses, children and pets. The trip is true to Sex tradition- equipped with fierce fashion, outrageous occurrences and plenty of heartfelt “interfriendtions”.

The movie itself was a 3.5 for me, and- just like reading US Weekly or People Magazine- my reasons for enduring a fairly predictable story were to see what they were all wearing TONS of designers and labels had their 5 seconds of fame across the silver screen in this one, there is even a cameo from Liza herself!

Take your current issue of Vogue as a guide, order a Cosmopolitan and enjoy!

-a

According to USAToday.com, Heidi twittered out she would like to be in Transformers 3, thus replacing Meghan Fox. Please say NO, Michael Bay. Im sorry but she is just not a ACTOR. She can do all the fake reality TV show she wants as long as she stays away from the big screen. And Taco Bells for that matter.

It may still be the funniest SNL movie since "Wayne's World"...but that's not saying much.

There are moments in the new “Saturday Night Live” sketch-turned-movie “MacGruber” that are laugh-out-loud funny…

…and I laughed at both of them.

Unfortunately, “MacGruber” suffers from many of the same pitfalls that plague most SNL films: inconsistencies in tone and difficulties in pacing and dialogue that stem from a general lack of humorous material.

The misfires of “MacGruber” are inexcusable, especially when the movie’s writers have such a vast pool of spoof-worthy material at their fingertips.  From “Mission: Impossible” to “The A-Team” to the initial inspiration for the character in “MacGyver,” the writers have a veritable arsenal of satirical ammunition at their disposal, yet seem unable to come up with anything better than sophomoric, scatological, and at times, blatantly homophobic sight gags.  In a way,  it’s like a group of unsupervised middle school boys who drop f-bombs all quiet at first, but when they realize the invisible hand of moral retribution isn’t going to strike them down, they write the script for “MacGruber.”

As for the titular character…it just me, or is MacGruber the most unlikeable SNL film character to date?  He’s stupid, but not in a “Get Smart” or even “Naked Gun” sort of way.  Rather than the oblivious sleuth who stumbles when trying to do the right thing, MacGruber blatantly screws up in ways that are uncreative and completely unbelievable, even in a comedic setting.   His “secret weapons” aren’t humorously ineffective, or even humorous…they’re just idiotic.   His character has no redemptive qualities, and there’s no reason whatsoever for the audience to care about what happens to him…and it’s not just because he’s based on an SNL sketch.  We can get behind the Blues Brothers’ mission from God, enjoy Wayne and Garth’s deification of rock royalty, and see ourselves in Mary Katherine Gallagher’s quest for self-worth through super-stardom.   But Will Forte takes every opportunity to make MacGruber as arrogant, as cocky, as self-righteously irritating as possible.  And while that may be an attempt to satirize ’80s action heroes, it ultimately just makes Macgruber an unbelievable, unlikeable, unfunny main character…NOT a good centerpiece for an action comedy.

And that’s the truth that hurts most…because without MacGruber, “MacGruber” could have actually been a pretty funny movie.  It has plenty of  enjoyably subtle references (the hand clasp from “Commando” was one of the most inspired…and then, of course, overused to the point where it wasn’t funny anymore), but its hard to give the movie any credit for its minor satirical successes when they’re followed by MacGruber distracting enemies by running around naked with a stick of celery up his butt.

On the Average Joe’s Popcorn Scale, MacGruber gets 2 out of 5 tubs o’ ‘corn…one for the overall concept, which was solid but poorly executed, and one for the sex scene between Forte and Kristen Wiig, which was damned funny and the only truly laugh-worthy scene in the movie.