Santikos Cine-opsis

There’s a scene in the new Harry Potter movie where one of Harry’s classmates accidentally comes in contact with a magic talisman meant for Dumbledore that drives her insane….and floaty.  You’ve seen it in the previews. It’s the girl in the red coat who goes all screaming Jesus Christ pose 30 feet in the air.  Harry and friends immediately deduce that she was cursed, and blame Drako Malfoy and his crew for the dastardly deed.  When they go to tattle to the Hogwart’s faculty, Alan Rickman (whom I never refer to by character, because…why bother?) accuses Harry of making wild accusations without any proof.  Which is true.  But we are supposed to hate him for it. “Ooh!”, we say.  “That dirty Snape!  He’s just doing this because he promised a sacred oath to help Malfoy!” (I refer to Rickman as Snape here only because it’s we the audience, not me the writer).

This scene is quickly passed over as we go back to more snogging and love-potion brownie-making at Hogwart’s, but I wanted to draw attention to it because I believe it’s the one scene that can best illustrate the moral relativity that often goes unexamined (at least by its creator) in the Potterverse.

Harry’s wild accusation is just the tip of the wand, as it were, and is rightly dismissed (even though it proves out in the end because for all her “cleverness”, JK Rowling doesn’t know a plot twist from a broomstick).  The more difficult assumption is that his cursed classmate had no prior knowledge of the talisman.  In the movie, it’s explained that she didn’t have it, and then went to the loo (brits are so classy) and had it with her when she came out.  Thus, she was cursed, becuase she obviously wouldn’t have knowingly tried to injure Dumbledore.

What an assumption!  Anybody familiar with the Larry Craig scandal knows that all sorts of deals get made inside public restrooms.  Maybe she was bought with promises of more love-brownies and snogging?  Maybe someone slipped something into her Butter Beer? Who knows?  The point is, she couldn’t possibly be evil because she doesn’t go to Slitherin and her name does end in a Malfoy.  This teaches children classism, and to blame others for their mistakes.  If she had just done what smart girls do and taken her friend to the bar bathroom with her, she never would have gotten cursed in the first place!

Even worse, because Harry turned out to be right, kids learn that it’s ok to level baseless accusations against their classmates because they  “just know” that they were doing something bad.  This is the worst kind of snitching, and it won’t be tolerated!  Not in this blog!

And worst of all, because Harry was right, and Drako was behind the plot, kids learn that it’s ok to write tediously long stories that are bereft of any mystery or suspense, as long as they have quirky cultural twists and magic in them to take their readers’ minds away from the blatantly obvious plot.

There are other morally ambiguous moments in the film (Ron dumps a girl while he’s in a coma and doesn’t care, a girl is peddling earwigs that “make your head feel fuzzy” on the train to Hogwart’s, one of the new professors invites his underaged students over for late night “dinner parties”, Ron eats a whole pan of date-rape potion brownies) but the one above was by far the most fun to dissect.  Now, at the risk of being long-winded, (too late!) on to the rest of the review!

“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” is very much like how my dad described being a pilot: “hours of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer terror.”  There are some bloody creepy moments in HBP, and they’re beautifully fleshed out with excellent visuals and quite a bit of danger.  The cave scene towards the end of the film is particularly nasty…and fun!  Unfortunately, by the time that happened, my girlfriend had already written the movie off and walked out to the bar (and she’s watched almost all of “Battlestar Gallactica” with me, so she’s no slouch when it comes to slow-moving plots).  As a whole, it’s still one of the darker, better HP films I’ve seen.  But it’s also one of the ones I wouldn’t want to watch multiple times.

In my TV review, (plug!) I say that HBP is the “Empire Strikes Back” of the Harry Potter franchise…and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has pointed that out.  The darkness of the film and its ending invite such comparisons.  But unlike HBP, I could watch “Empire’ over and over again.  It’s by far my favorite Star Wars film, and the most entertaining for me.  And it’s short by most modern day epic movie standards (124 minutes…HBP is 153!).   And the revelation at the end of “Empire” is one of the most memorable surprises in movie history.  The big reveal at the end of HBP feels like an afterthought.

When the final two films are released, (they split the last book up into TWO movies! WTF!?!) one of the most prolific movie series in cinema history will be complete (we hope?). “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” could have been the lynchpin of that series. It was good, but “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” is still the true Potter prince to me.  (Leave your reviews and your picks for favorite Potterfilm below!)

In honor of “I Love You, Beth Cooper”, I’ve decided to post my top 5 graduation movies that I can think of off the top of my head. I welcome your comments and response lists, as long as the comment isn’t “go to this site and watch this movie for free!”

Seriously. I’m writing for a theater chain, people!

5. American Pie. The first American Pie movie was a nice, warm slice of raunchy fun. The subsequent six movies were so stale and tasteless that National Lampoon wouldn’t sit through them.

4. Star Trek (2009): This is a stretch, but Kirk graduates, so that works….right?

3. Starship Troopers. Don’t look at me like that! They graduate! Shut up! That movie was awesome!

2. Into the Wild. Emil Hirsch’s breakout performance of a young man searching for the meaning of life, and then dying alone in terrible pain in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. It’s a light-hearted romp that’s fun for the whole family!

1. The Graduate. Is there any better way to graduate than a visit from Mrs. Robinson?

Aaaaaand….discuss!