Santikos Cine-opsis

This movie is so good I want to hang this poster on my effing wall!

In the world of cinema, the summer movie season is as boring as our own realities, and its remakes, updates, sequels, prequels, and brainless blockbusters cradle us in their comfortable predictability.  But every once in a while, a movie comes along that is so original, so stunning, so interesting, intelligent and exciting that we reflexively pinch ourselves to make sure that we’re not just dozing off during another “Twilight” sequel.

Well wake up, movie fans!  “Inception” is that movie!  It’s an intelligent psychological drama, an intense action epic, a bewildering crime heist, an artistic visual spectacle, all without being pretentious or boring.  Simply put, it’s the first movie I’ve seen since I became a movie critic that I will rush out and buy the day it comes out on DVD.  Hell, I’m considering buying an HD TV and Blu-Ray player just so I don’t ruin this movie for myself by watching it in standard def.

In “Inception,” Leonardo DiCaprio plays Cobb, who is an “extractor” — someone who sneaks into people’s dream worlds to make them dream up their deepest secrets so he can steal them.  As you can imagine, it’s the sort of lifestyle that gets one in trouble with the authorities.  But after a particularly stunning dream caper, a shadowy business magnate named Saito (a perfectly dangerous Ken Watanabe) makes Cobb an offer he can’t refuse: plant an idea in the mind of a rival business owner (Cillian Murphy), and all of Cobb’s legal troubles disappear. While extracting ideas from a person is relatively easy, planting an idea (aka “inception”) is all but impossible…for everyone except Cobb, who we find out later in the film has some experience in this particular field of mind-trickery.

But before the inception happens, Cobb and his trusty business partner Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt at his intelligent best) must assemble their team.  This is where the film really gets interesting.  As we are introduced to Cobb’s new team, we are also introduced to the world of dream creation.  Any good action film (and make no mistake, there are plenty of white-knuckle moments sandwiched in all this brainy plot) is built around a strong ensemble cast, and “Inception” is no different.  With each new introduction, be it the Architect (Ellen Page), the Thief (Tom Hardy) , or the Chemist (Dileep Rao), a different facet of this multi-level heist is revealed…like that Leo’s wife Mal (a hauntingly menacing Marione Cotillard) is stalking his dreams, for some yet-to-be-revealed reason.

But even with an ensemble cast this tight, “Inception” is Leo’s show.  As Cobb, DiCaprio is a detective, a con artist, a thief, and a businessman…but also a tormented, guilt-stricken husband and father who has lost access to all he loves due to the choices of his past.    DiCaprio not only shows us all these emotions, but flows through them with such ease and believability that, once again, we forget that we’re watching him play a role.  Unlike many of his contemporaries, DiCaprio does not play the same character in each subsequent film.  He is not the same man he was in “Shutter Island,” or “The Departed,” or “Catch Me if You Can,” and yet, we can see how his experience in those roles is being used to make Cobb a more complete character.   In fact, it’s his most complete character to date, and I have no doubt whatsoever that after 3 nominations, this is DiCaprio’s best chance to date at that elusive best actor Oscar.

Salivating yet?  Because it only gets better from there.  With two “Batmans” under his utility belt, director Christopher Nolan has had plenty of experience with action sequences, and he’s finally gotten good at them.  Gone are the days of shaky close-ups where the audience never really knows who’s punching or kicking or shooting at whom.  The dream world of “Inception” gives Nolan and cinematographer Wallly Pfister the green light to slow things down when necessary, and the action scenes are fluid and hypnotic while still intense. Hans Zimmer’s score is equally appropriate, since music plays an integral part in the plot of the film.  And you know I’m totally in love with a movie when I start blowing kisses to Hans Zimmer.

With its perfect blending of brains, brawn, and beauty, “Inception” is Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece.  It is the realization of the potential that we saw bursting through the seams of thought-provoking films like “Memento” and “The Prestige.”  In short, it makes “The Dark Knight” look like a college film project.  I know Nolan and co. are already planning “Batman 3,” but “Inception” is so damned good that it makes me want to scream “No, Chris! No!  Don’t do it!  Leave the comic book melodrama behind!  You’re too GOOD for it!!!”

The world of summer cinema needs another Batman sequel like it needs another Spider-Man reboot.  What it really needs is more movies like “Inception” - movies that fulfill our wildest dreams of what the summer blockbuster can be.  5 out of 5 bags of popcorn…with butter and M&Ms in them! (seriously, don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!)

“If it bleeds, we can kill it.” — “Dutch” (Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Predator,” 1987)

When I walked out of the theater after seeing “Predators” this weekend, my first thought was that after numerous sequels and spin-offs, the “Predator” franchise had finally been exsanguinated of its green blood and put to rest.  But something tells me we haven’t seen the last of those dredlocked, laser-pointy killing machines - and by something, I mean profit.

After the gruesome box office bloodletting that was “AVP: Requiem,” the “Predator” series appeared to have reached the “Freddy vs. Jason” level of franchise hell.  But even at it’s lowest point, the franchise still made money ($150m+ worldwide gross on a $40m budget).  Still, it was clear that another starless crossover would be ill-advised.  Enter Robert Rodriguez (in a producer role), complete with viral internet promises to take the franchise back to its roots, and voila!  The fan base was energized enough to put “Predators” into the top 3 on opening weekend with a $24m opening salvo (not bad, considering Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antel made the film for the same $40m budget as the aforementioned AVP sequel).  While that’s not exactly “Twilight”-level success, it certainly pulls the franchise out of the (de)basement.

But even though the changes at the helm and return to form seem to have breathed new life into the “Predator” series on a financial level, it couldn’t keep “Predators” from being somewhat of a disappointment as a movie…mainly because of deficiencies in the writing.  Now I’m no prude, but if you’re gonna drop 50+ f-bombs on an audience, you should at least try and put them in moments where the level of intensity requires it, and not just randomly insert them into lines of dialogue to make the characters appear more “salty.”  I’ve said this before, but there’s an art to writing swear-laden dialogue, and if you don’t get it right, your characters feel like 14-year-olds screaming out curse words when their parents aren’t there to listen.

The dialogical deficiencies aren’t the only disappointment.  Like many Robert Rodriguez films, “Predators” suffers from some really bizarre casting choices, starting with the lead.  You’re going for the toughest, killingest, badass-iest group of international mercs you can find, and your alpha-male is…Adrian Brody?!?  WTF?!!!?!?  And it doesn’t stop there!  Either the bugs on the alien homeworld are really high in saturated fat, or Lawrence Fishburne has let himself go.  Either way, bad casting choice for your “I’ve survived on this world for 10 seasons and have created an invisible friend” character (and another bad writing choice as well).

What really stinks is that the casting misfires overshadow some really interesting casting choices.  Alice Braga does what she can with her tough-girl sniper with a conscience role, Walton Goggins and Topher Grace are actually pretty good in their scenes together (despite, yet again, some really crappy lines), and I love mad Russian Oleg Taktarov, who has by far one of the most cheer-inducing moments in the film.  But when I was walking out of the theater, all I could think of was Adrien Brody trying to make his voice sound all gravely and mean, and how it was like a maskless version of Christian Bale’s Batman.

But with some interesting plot twists and turns, and plenty of green blood to go around, “Predators” ultimately satisfied on an action level…which was really all it needed to do to please the fan base.  It was just a little disappointing that more thought wasn’t put into fleshing out the rest of the film.  But in the end, the film will likely turn a profit by week 3, meaning that we probably haven’t seen the last of the “Predators,” or their homeworld.

I just hope that next time, they pick better prey.  3 out of 5 popcorn buckets.

It may still be the funniest SNL movie since "Wayne's World"...but that's not saying much.

There are moments in the new “Saturday Night Live” sketch-turned-movie “MacGruber” that are laugh-out-loud funny…

…and I laughed at both of them.

Unfortunately, “MacGruber” suffers from many of the same pitfalls that plague most SNL films: inconsistencies in tone and difficulties in pacing and dialogue that stem from a general lack of humorous material.

The misfires of “MacGruber” are inexcusable, especially when the movie’s writers have such a vast pool of spoof-worthy material at their fingertips.  From “Mission: Impossible” to “The A-Team” to the initial inspiration for the character in “MacGyver,” the writers have a veritable arsenal of satirical ammunition at their disposal, yet seem unable to come up with anything better than sophomoric, scatological, and at times, blatantly homophobic sight gags.  In a way,  it’s like a group of unsupervised middle school boys who drop f-bombs all quiet at first, but when they realize the invisible hand of moral retribution isn’t going to strike them down, they write the script for “MacGruber.”

As for the titular character…it just me, or is MacGruber the most unlikeable SNL film character to date?  He’s stupid, but not in a “Get Smart” or even “Naked Gun” sort of way.  Rather than the oblivious sleuth who stumbles when trying to do the right thing, MacGruber blatantly screws up in ways that are uncreative and completely unbelievable, even in a comedic setting.   His “secret weapons” aren’t humorously ineffective, or even humorous…they’re just idiotic.   His character has no redemptive qualities, and there’s no reason whatsoever for the audience to care about what happens to him…and it’s not just because he’s based on an SNL sketch.  We can get behind the Blues Brothers’ mission from God, enjoy Wayne and Garth’s deification of rock royalty, and see ourselves in Mary Katherine Gallagher’s quest for self-worth through super-stardom.   But Will Forte takes every opportunity to make MacGruber as arrogant, as cocky, as self-righteously irritating as possible.  And while that may be an attempt to satirize ’80s action heroes, it ultimately just makes Macgruber an unbelievable, unlikeable, unfunny main character…NOT a good centerpiece for an action comedy.

And that’s the truth that hurts most…because without MacGruber, “MacGruber” could have actually been a pretty funny movie.  It has plenty of  enjoyably subtle references (the hand clasp from “Commando” was one of the most inspired…and then, of course, overused to the point where it wasn’t funny anymore), but its hard to give the movie any credit for its minor satirical successes when they’re followed by MacGruber distracting enemies by running around naked with a stick of celery up his butt.

On the Average Joe’s Popcorn Scale, MacGruber gets 2 out of 5 tubs o’ ‘corn…one for the overall concept, which was solid but poorly executed, and one for the sex scene between Forte and Kristen Wiig, which was damned funny and the only truly laugh-worthy scene in the movie.

Ok…without any further ado (there’s no time for much ado about anything anyway!) here are my sentimental picks for this year’s Oscars!  (Just to show how wrong my gut can be!)  And be sure to check out my recap later on ( which will be posted whenever the Oscars are over and I decide to do a recap!)

Legend (XXXXXX!!!!) - JT’s pick!

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart” (Fox Searchlight)
• George Clooney in “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
• Colin Firth in “A Single Man” (The Weinstein Company)
• Morgan Freeman in “Invictus” (Warner Bros.)
• Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)   XXXXXX!!!!
  

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Matt Damon in “Invictus” (Warner Bros.)
• Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger” (Oscilloscope Laboratories)
• Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones” (DreamWorks in association with Film4, Distributed by Paramount)
• Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company) XXXXXX!!!!

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side” (Warner Bros.)
• Helen Mirren in “The Last Station” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Carey Mulligan in “An Education” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate) XXXXXX!!!!
• Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia” (Sony Pictures Releasing)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Penélope Cruz in “Nine” (The Weinstein Company)
• Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart” (Fox Searchlight)
• Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
• Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate) XXXXXX!!!!

Best animated feature film of the year

• “Coraline” (Focus Features)

  Henry Selick

• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” (20th Century Fox)

  Wes Anderson

• “The Princess and the Frog” (Walt Disney)

  John Musker and Ron Clements

• “The Secret of Kells” (GKIDS)

  Tomm Moore

• “Up” (Walt Disney)

  Pete Docter XXXXXX!!!!

Achievement in art direction

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg XXXXXX!!!! Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair

• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro Set Decoration: Caroline Smith

• “Nine” (The Weinstein Company)

  Art Direction: John Myhre Set Decoration: Gordon Sim

• “Sherlock Holmes” (Warner Bros.)

  Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood Set Decoration: Katie Spencer

• “The Young Victoria” (Apparition)

  Art Direction: Patrice Vermette Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

Achievement in cinematography

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Mauro Fiore

• “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” (Warner Bros.)

  Bruno Delbonnel

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Barry Ackroyd XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Robert Richardson

• “The White Ribbon” (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Christian Berger

Achievement in costume design (JT IS JUST GUESSING HERE!)

• “Bright Star” (Apparition)

  Janet Patterson

• “Coco before Chanel” (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Catherine Leterrier

• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Monique Prudhomme

• “Nine” (The Weinstein Company)

  Colleen Atwood

• “The Young Victoria” (Apparition)

  Sandy Powell  XXXXXX!!!!

Achievement in directing

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  James Cameron

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Kathryn Bigelow XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Quentin Tarantino

• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate)

  Lee Daniels

• “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)

  Jason Reitman

Best documentary feature (JT IS JUST GUESSING HERE!)

• “Burma VJ” (Oscilloscope Laboratories) A Magic Hour Films Production

  Anders Østergaard and Lise Lense-Møller

• “The Cove” (Roadside Attractions) An Oceanic Preservation Society Production

  Nominees to be determined XXXXXX!!!!

• “Food, Inc.” (Magnolia Pictures) A Robert Kenner Films Production

  Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein

• “The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers” A Kovno Communications Production

  Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith

• “Which Way Home” A Mr. Mudd Production

  Rebecca Cammisa

Best documentary short subject (JT IS JUST GUESSING HERE!)

• “China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province” A Downtown Community Television Center Production

  Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill  XXXXXX!!!!

• “The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner” A Just Media Production

  Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher

• “The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant” A Community Media Production

  Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert

• “Music by Prudence” An iThemba Production

  Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett

• “Rabbit à la Berlin” (Deckert Distribution) An MS Films Production

  Bartek Konopka and Anna Wydra

Achievement in film editing

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron

• “District 9″ (Sony Pictures Releasing)

  Julian Clarke  XXXXXX!!!!

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Bob Murawski and Chris Innis

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Sally Menke

• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate)

  Joe Klotz

Best foreign language film of the year

• “Ajami”(Kino International) An Inosan Production

  Israel

• “El Secreto de Sus Ojos” (Sony Pictures Classics) A Haddock Films Production

  Argentina

• “The Milk of Sorrow” A Wanda Visión/Oberon Cinematogràfica/Vela Production

  Peru

• “Un Prophète” (Sony Pictures Classics) A Why Not/Page 114/Chic Films Production

  France

• “The White Ribbon” (Sony Pictures Classics) An X Filme Creative Pool/Wega Film/Les Films du Losange/Lucky Red Production

  Germany  XXXXXX!!!!

Achievement in makeup

• “Il Divo” (MPI Media Group through Music Box)

  Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano

• “Star Trek” (Paramount and Spyglass Entertainment)

  Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow  XXXXXX!!!!

• “The Young Victoria” (Apparition)

  Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  James Horner

• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” (20th Century Fox)

  Alexandre Desplat

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders

• “Sherlock Holmes” (Warner Bros.)

  Hans Zimmer  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Up” (Walt Disney)

  Michael Giacchino

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

• “Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” (Walt Disney)

  Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

• “Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” (Walt Disney)

  Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

• “Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36″ (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas

• “Take It All” from “Nine” (The Weinstein Company)

  Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston

• “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” (Fox Searchlight)

  Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett  XXXXXX!!!!

Best motion picture of the year

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox) A Lightstorm Entertainment Production

  James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers

• “The Blind Side” (Warner Bros.) An Alcon Entertainment Production

  Nominees to be determined

• “District 9″ (Sony Pictures Releasing) A Block/Hanson Production

  Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers

• “An Education” (Sony Pictures Classics) A Finola Dwyer/Wildgaze Films Production

  Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment) A Voltage Pictures Production

  Nominees to be determined  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company) A Weinstein Company/Universal Pictures/A Band Apart/Zehnte Babelsberg Production

  Lawrence Bender, Producer

• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate) A Lee Daniels Entertainment/Smokewood Entertainment Production

  Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers

• “A Serious Man” (Focus Features) A Working Title Films Production

  Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers

• “Up” (Walt Disney) A Pixar Production

  Jonas Rivera, Producer

• “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios) A Montecito Picture Company Production

  Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers

Best animated short film  (JT IS JUST GUESSING HERE!)

• “French Roast” A Pumpkin Factory/Bibo Films Production

  Fabrice O. Joubert

• “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty” (Brown Bag Films) A Brown Bag Films Production

  Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell

• “The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)” A Kandor Graphics and Green Moon Production

  Javier Recio Gracia  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Logorama” (Autour de Minuit) An Autour de Minuit Production

  Nicolas Schmerkin

• “A Matter of Loaf and Death” (Aardman Animations) An Aardman Animations Production

  Nick Park

Best live action short film (JT IS JUST GUESSING HERE!)

• “The Door” (Network Ireland Television) An Octagon Films Production

  Juanita Wilson and James Flynn

• “Instead of Abracadabra” (The Swedish Film Institute) A Directörn & Fabrikörn Production

  Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström

• “Kavi” A Gregg Helvey Production

  Gregg Helvey

• “Miracle Fish” (Premium Films) A Druid Films Production

  Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey  XXXXXX!!!!

• “The New Tenants” A Park Pictures and M & M Production

  Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

Achievement in sound editing

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Paul N.J. Ottosson  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Wylie Stateman

• “Star Trek” (Paramount and Spyglass Entertainment)

  Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin

• “Up” (Walt Disney)

  Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

Achievement in sound mixing

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano

• “Star Trek” (Paramount and Spyglass Entertainment)

  Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin

• “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro, Distributed by Paramount)

  Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson

Achievement in visual effects

• “Avatar” (20th Century Fox)

  Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones

• “District 9″ (Sony Pictures Releasing)

  Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Star Trek” (Paramount and Spyglass Entertainment)

  Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

Adapted screenplay

• “District 9″ (Sony Pictures Releasing)

  Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell

• “An Education” (Sony Pictures Classics)

  Screenplay by Nick Hornby

• “In the Loop” (IFC Films)

  Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche

• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” (Lionsgate)

  Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher

• “Up in the Air” (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)

  Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner  XXXXXX!!!!

Original screenplay

• “The Hurt Locker” (Summit Entertainment)

  Written by Mark Boal  XXXXXX!!!!

• “Inglourious Basterds” (The Weinstein Company)

  Written by Quentin Tarantino

• “The Messenger” (Oscilloscope Laboratories)

  Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman

• “A Serious Man” (Focus Features)

  Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

• “Up” (Walt Disney)

  Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

I got to see “Alice in Wonderland” earlier this week.  I thought it was visually exciting, but irritatingly dismissive of the source material.  To see my full video review, go here.

Now, I believe in giving credit where credit is due, and after being fortunate enough to read David Edelstein’s review of “Alice in Wonderland,” I realized that I had found the perfect review for this movie.  It’s so perfect, in fact, that I’m just going to link to it.

So here. Read and enjoy.  Then go see the movie, leave a comment on my site and let me know what you think.  Or his. Either way.  I know when I’m beaten.

When it comes to “scary movies,” critics have a tendency to over-classify.  Scary movie fans have been subjected to this rampant over-classification so often that some can actually articulate the differences between slasher flicks, torture porn, psychological thrillers, monster movies,  monster movie remakes, zombie apocalypses, zombie satires, classic zombie apocalyptic satire remakes, political thrillers, detective stories, ghost stories,  sci-fi horror, B-horror, J-horror, BJ-horror (“Teeth”, anyone?) and vampire romantic dramas (even the sulky teen ones where the thought of actually sitting through the film is far more frightening than the film itself).

With this glut of subgenres (and the ones I named are just the tip of the scary movie iceber…oh! Almost forgot disaster movies!), it’s no surprise that the most appreciated scary films are now the ones that (in addition to being technically sound and visually interesting) attempt to play around with these conventions.  And right now, there are two scary movies in theaters that attempt to execute this genre-bending dance: “Shutter Island” and “The Crazies.”  And while one succeeds more than the other, they each have a lesson to teach about rushing to judge a horror film by it’s poster.

“Shutter Island” initially appears to be a run-of-the-mill detective story: Leo DiCaprio the cop goes to a creepy asylum to track down an escaped inmate. But that’s just a ruse, and as soon as DiCaprio enters the asylum, director Martin Scorsese lets the crazy out, and the ordinary cop drama dissolves into surrealistic blend of psycho-dread, punctuated by moments of escaped-lunatic-terror, with just a pinch of McCarthyism to give it that ‘50s flavor (just like grandma used to make!).

The script chooses character development over cheap thrills and attempts to frighten the intellect with its darkly clinical explorations of the fragility of sanity. And even though it’s based off a book, the movie version of “Shutter Island” manages to feel familiar, yet original… a great example of a master cinematic painter using the color wheel of subgenre to create a haunting work of art that defies easy classification.

“The Crazies” is superficially a photonegative of “Shutter Island.” It’s characters are simplistic small-town horror movie stereotypes: the local lawman and his faithful deputy, the sheriff’s milf-to-be wife and town physician, the all-American-girl with the farmhouse boyfriend, the three hunter hillbillies in the pickup truck…

I think I’ve made my point.

Since the characters are easy to recognize, the movie doesn’t waste any time developing them. That time is instead devoted to packing the “The Crazies” to the brim with one seemingly trite horror movie set piece after another. But what we don’t realize is that director Breck Eisner is just setting us up. The first wave of make-you-jump thrills basically sets the tone, and then, like some classical composer or trip-hop DJ, Eisner starts mixing and remixing the template.

Example: Since “The Crazies” is set in a small rural community, the “there’s someone in the barn!” routine works quite well…so well, in fact, that variations of it are used at least 4 times in the film (5 if you count the truck stop refueling depot as a barn). Now, while this might seem like either a gratuitous lack of creativity or the solution to the world’s worst case of scary movie writer’s block, what it does is create an incredible tension whenever the character enters the structure. Like the bedroom camera setup in “Paranormal Activity,” the audience’s collective sphincter tightens whenever there’s a dimly lit barn in the distance. That gives Eisner maneuverability to either scare with an actual encounter, psych out with a false alarm, or misdirect with a scream from back at the house to continue to build the tension and make the next set piece even more effective.

Add in possessed farmers with pitchforks and shotguns, a couple of drone’s-eye-view shots with cryptic “containment protocol” pop-ups, and a platoon of flame-thrower toting marines with itchy trigger fingers, and you’ve got a bio-terror mind-control big-brother-is-watching jolt-fest that’s part “Dawn of the Dead,” part “Andromeda Strain,” and, most importantly, part “The Crazies” (since this is a remake of a George A. Romero’s “The Crazies” from 1973). All those parts add up to an entertaining movie-going experience, despite cookie-cutter characters and a plot so passé that it seems more like a stage on “Left 4 Dead 2” than a respectable feature film.

Like “Shutter Island,” “The Crazies” attempts to use elements from various subgenres to create a sort of “scary movie blend.” It’s just that Scorsese is an experienced Napa Valley vintner and Eisner is brewing moonshine in a homemade still in the boonies.

Some critics, of course, will view this deconstruction as thoroughly unnecessary and overly academic (which I won’t entirely deny), and label “Shutter Island” a stock psychological thriller and call “The Crazies” a stock zombie or stock “infected” horror film. However, I believe that each movie has a more unique voice than that, and that it is detrimental to ignore that voice in the sake of expediency or laziness (which, as my blog readers know, I am as guilty of as anyone).

By lumping movies into increasingly esoteric subgenres, critics rob films of their unique voices, and in turn, prevent their viewers/readers/listeners from recognizing that uniqueness and evolving their cinematic palates.

And if we critics are arrogant enough to think that this dismissive over-classification is acceptable, then maybe it’s time to initiate those containment protocols.

Leonardo DiCaprio is ready to set sail on another Martin Scorsese movie, and they’re off on another quest for Oscar gold!  The first time DiCaprio and Scorsese teamed up, it was in “The Aviator.”  The result: Oscars.  But that wasn’t enough, so the two teamed up again in “The Departed.”  And again:  Oscars.  And now, “Shutter Island,” where DiCaprio plays a ’50s era Boston cop who gets trapped on an island full of award-winning actors.

But before I go any further in this review, I’d just like to tell critics and movie fans to please, please, please, STOP trying to compare every Scorsese movie to “Raging Bull” and “Taxi Driver.”   I know it’s an easy path to take, but comparing every movie that a director makes to his best, most inspired works is pointless and destructive.  It makes you look stupid and ruins the enjoyment of watching movies.  And perhaps most dangerously, looking at movies through that prism means that you are missing out on some quality film-making, because it means that you obviously went into the movie looking for ways that it falls short of the director’s best work (which will then, of course, be there) and it cheapens the movie that you’re reviewing.

Whew!  Now that I got that rant out of the way, on to the review!

“From Paris With Love” opens up this week.  The film stars John Travolta as a wacky yet kick=ass CIA agent, with Jonathan Rhys Myers as his wormy pencilpushing sidekick.  I know…it sounds bad.  But before you write it off completely, remember that it’s directed by Pierre Morel (Taken, District B13) and co-written by Luc Besson.

To further explain why that means something, I’d like to make a list of 2 of my favorite Besson films and why they keep me from completely losing faith in “From Paris with Love.”

1.  The Fifth Element (1997)

Inventive, exhilirating, and full of memorable catch-phrases, “The Fifth Element” is one of the movies that I most enjoy watching.  Repeat viewings do nothing to diminish the movie’s enjoyment level.  It’s part sci-fi, part buddy comedy, and features some of the quirkiest moments of dark humor of any action flick that I can think of.  I mean, the scene with Gary Oldman selling the weapons to the alien mercenaries…it doesn’t get much better than that.  Besson’s whimsy and sense of humor really shine through in “The Fifth Element,” and I hope that I see that in “From Paris With Love.”

2.  Leon (The Professional) (1995)

Besson creates some of his most complete characters in this violent yet poetic character study.  Jean Reno’s character, Leon, is a professional hitman who loves his job.  Yet the job is so demanding of his personal life that it leads to an incredible loneliness.  Into that loneliness steps Mathilda (Natalie Portman), a runaway who he hides from the goon squad that killed her parents.  The two form an incredible bond, and Besson shows amazing restraint and maturity in his writing, letting his characters make their choices without any judgement or restaint from the writer.

If the qualities that made my favorite Luc Besson movies so memorable made its way into “From Paris With Love,” I didn’t see it in the trailers.  But that kinda thing isn’t exactly trailer-fodder, so it may still be there.  I guess I’ll find out soon enough, won’t I?

Jean Reno

2010 is off to a decapitating start.  In addition to “The Book Of Eli,” there are plenty of other action flicks out there for those who want to get there kill on…which is a rarity in January.  But even if you find bloodletting a little revolting, there are alternatives out there, so let’s take a look at what I would see this weekend.

1.  “The Book of Eli”

Call me a sucker (and you’d be right most of the time to do so), but I can’t help but think that there’s more good than bad in Eli’s good book.  The Movie of Eli has been roundly panned by critics, many of whom dwell on its preachiness and lack of consistency.  But “Avatar” got plenty preachy, and even the best films can be inconsistent if you’re cynically looking for that sort of thing.  So I’m willing to give the Hughes brothers the benefit of the doubt, and give “The Book of Eli” a shot…sight unseen.  Think of it as a leap of faith.

2. “The Lovely Bones”

Peter Jackson’s adaptation of Alice Sebold’s book is another movie that’s been roundly beaten up in critical circles.  I got to see a screener of this film for awards purposes, and I agree with what many of the critics have said about the film… that it’s technically spectacular but wildly manic depressive in tone.  Despite it’s drawbacks, I’d still recommend it to theatergoers this weekend, and, in fact, I am recommending it right now.  “The Lovely Bones” has enough suspense and drama to entertain most moviegoers, and while it does lag at times, it is still a technicolor wonderland that will dazzle viewers… especially those who dig Pink Floyd Laser shows.

3.  Daybreakers

I was skeptical about this movie when it first came out, especially since it’s distributed by the same people who bought “The Spy Next Door.”  But I’ve heard and seen enough about “Daybreakers” (with the exception of actually seeing the movie) to get pretty psyched about eventually dragging myself to the theater to check it out.  Sure, “Daybreakers”  looks like what would happen if you took the scripts from “The Matrix,” “Gattaca,” and “Dracula” and threw them in a random word generator.  But it’s still my number 3 pick this week.

4.  Avatar

I mean, for crying out loud, if you haven’t seen it yet, why the hell are you reading a movie blog?

5.  Youth In Revolt

Maybe too much Michael Cera, but overall, still the funniest looking thing out right now.

That’s it for me this week.  Be sure to check out my Preview Reviews on www.foxsanantonio.com for more movie awesomeness.

With “Sherlock Holmes” and “Avatar” commanding a lot of attention at the box office, it’s time to take a look at what I would recommend seeing to try and shake off that post-holiday boredom.

1. “Sherlock Holmes”

Guy Ritchie toughens up Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s dusty detective, and his casting of Robert Downey Jr. gives Sherlock some much needed swagger.  Add to that a surprisingly non-effete Jude Law as Watson, and you’ve got the baddest crime-fighting duo of the 1800’s!  Ritchie’s CGI Victorian London also adds to “Sherlock Holmes’” character, and his clever shooting style allows him to explain what Holmes is thinking and then show him doing it without boring the audience.  And let’s face it, as much as I like ACD’s stories, their translation to film has been, shall we say, inconsistent.  I highly recommend letting Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” blast you out of your bobby socks.

2. Avatar (in 3D Imax only…seriously, why see it any other way?)

I got the chance to see “Avatar” last week, and all that crap you’ve seen in the trailers and on TV about James Cameron once again reinventing cinema is absolutely, without a doubt, 100 percent true.  The motion capture technology used to imprint the faces of real actors onto the blue bodies of their “avatars” is going to be the new way for directors to use the talents of their actors in computer-generated films for years to come.  That is, as long as those directors have over $300 mil in seed money to get their equipment.  But after grossing over $200 mil in a week and a half, it appears that, unbelievably, James Cameron’s monumental gamble will end up being profitable.   And while its a great movie to watch on the big screen, I have to admit that I actually had more fun watching “Sherlock Holmes.”

3.  Up in the Air

The more I see from other Oscar buzz flicks (Nine, Precious, etc.), the more I’m convinced that “Up in the Air” is going to have a real shot at taking home some heavy hardware.  “Nine” is getting awful reviews, and while “Precious” will be tough competition, I have to think that “Up in the Air” will win that battle.  It’s just a more enjoyable movie to watch…and a much more enjoyable movie for you to spend your money on this week.

4.  Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwel.

HA!  Almost got ya there, didn’t I?  In all seriousness, after my friend’s 6-year-old daughter ran around our holiday party screaming “Baw-chicka-wah-wah!” because she heard the chipmunks say it, the only people I recommend seeing this “family” film are parents who like to laugh their asses off at kids saying inappropriate things.  …Because that was seriously funny.

As of right now, there’s nothing really new on the docket until “Daybreakers” comes out on Jan. 8th, so it looks like I’ll have a week to catch up on my movie-watching!  Expect a full review of something fun by Friday!  Until then, I’ll see ya at “Sherlock Holmes,” guv’na!